the geekiest kid on the block

jaden (kid #1) says “welcome back to school!” or i said it. whatever.

so this morning kid #1 headed off to his first day of grade 2 with his new lego bag. although school was only on until noon, he insisted on bringing a few essential items with him. these included a pair of scissors, 4 non-sharpened pencils, and an archie comic. just in case. i no longer fight the urge to convince him otherwise. if he wants to be weird he can totally do that. his weirdness is just a thing now.

and so is lego. this house is inundated with lego. we are a smaller version of legoland. recently i gathered up random pieces of lego in a big garbage bag. this amounted to 25lbs worth. i know because i weighed it. he didn’t even notice. this is how dire the situation has become. this is also what happens when you are the first grandchild.

the other night we went to the movies and saw the trailer for the lego movie. he was jumping up and down in his seat and begging me to take him. which of course i will because lego minifigures and stop-motion animation are awesome things and put together they are awesome awesomeness. also the slightly daft main character emmett is played by chris pratt, or the also slightly daft andy on parks and recreation. i love that show! i have just finished watching the fourth season and miss my friends leslie and crew so very much. i think about them a lot. i really do miss them. 

ok, so the other day i stumbled upon citizenbrick where i assume that the geekiest of geeky geeks love to shop for one of a kind lego. this is the real deal. forget the usual batman and star wars sets, how about a breaking bad lab set?

oh wait. nope. can’t purchase that one. a crystal meth making lego lab does not fall into the appropriate toys for kids category. maybe on my desk at work? probably not that either. but isn’t it amazing?!

how about zombies for kids? i think that’s okay. even two year-old kid #2 stumbles around with her arms out and head cocked mumbling that she wants to eat our brains. yup. zombies are terrific! for everyone. and through citizenbrick you can custom order yours. an adorable zombie baby is also available for purchase. that’s right. i said it’s adorable. and it totally is.

cute right? moving along…

i get lego. i am just as good at putting lego sets together as i am at jumping hurdles but i understand the allure. what i don’t understand fully is minecraft which has taken over kid #1’s life and my computer. the entire aim of the game is to make block structures as shelters to protect yourself from monsters or to create imaginary worlds for yourself. i would say it was the video game equivalent of lego but kid #1 says i don’t understand the complexity since i’m not a gamer. because he is. apparently. the concept seems pretty cool to me in theory, but the game itself makes me dizzy. also i don’t understand the technical bits or how many of one item i need to purchase another and why the minecraft guy steve rides a pig. anyway, this thing is HUGE. as in, every kid i come in contact with is obsessed with this game. they talk about creepers and iron ores and diamond pickaxes and i sit there remembering that the last video game i played was donkey kong 2.

anyway, i am always on the look-out for gifts for kid #1 that will impress him. not in the “wow, mom just got me a million dollar piece of lego” way, but in the “my mom finds the best stuff for me” bragging to his friends type of way. so when i found minecraft gear on thinkgeek i was super proud of myself.

diamond sword and pickaxe anyone?

what about steve and creeper masks? (these ones totally weird me out and i worry about them being able to get through the front door)

i haven’t seen these items in stores which makes me believe that i could totally get away with having them gifted by santa. who else but the elves would be able to mind-numbingly and ocd-inducingly paint such perfect pixels?

7 year-old kid #1 believes in santa you ask increduously? you bet. he’s the smartest dumbest kid around. geeks are weird like that right? say it’s so.

but this kid takes it a step further in the gullible category. i used to have this thing when kid #1 was two where i would say that if kids stayed up past midnight they would turn into a pumpkin. as in the vegetable. because i am a fun person, and also a mean one, i kept an orange marker hidden in the bathroom. at my convenience i would secretly colour a part of my face to freak him out into going to bed. and it worked. every single time. and now he is 7. and it still works.

a couple of weeks ago he told me that he had googled whether kids really do turn into pumpkins at midnight and found no evidence. oh, but i am a crafty mother. i simply told him that google would never allow pictures of kids as pumpkins or information about it on the internet because it would scare little kids. he was all like “yeah, that’s fair”. and that was the end of it. also he is convinced that if you accidentally do turn into a pumpkin because your mother has forgotten to put you to bed in time (it is always MY fault), then you can be rolled to the emergency room where a doctor will provide you with an orange onion pill to restore you to your human self. i am embarrassed on his behalf.

but geeks will rule the world right? there’s hope out there yet?

i suppose kid #1 is just different. like ash fox.

this is ash and he’s different.

he wears a tube sock as a bandit hat. he considers himself an athlete as does kid #1 (more on that in a bit). and he is jason schwartzman’s character in wes anderson‘s stop-motion animation movie adaptation of roald dahl‘s fantastic mr.fox. (that sentence is ridiculously full of awesome links so check them out)

as meryl streep’s mrs.fox proclaims, “we’re different. him especially”. meaning ash. and kid #1.

kid #1 is about as obsessed with this movie as i am. i suppose when you recognize yourself in someone you just go with it. he longs for his name to be ash. and for a bandit hat. and this, which the elves may or not make for him.

it’s a pin. for his athletic wear. and by ‘athletic’ he means he can ride a bike (“look mom! i’m coasting because i’m an athlete”) and swim without drowning. plus he’s in martial arts classes but that doesn’t necessarily reflect ability.

kid #1 rolls his own way but this fall he decided he wanted to play soccer. “soccer’s a team sport” he was reminded the other day. “i kind of just want to wear the uniform” he responded.

either way, fantastic mr.fox is my movie recommendation for kids who will probably not grow up to have desk jobs. they’ll be job pioneers. they’ll rule the world. they might even be spies.

but before moving on, isn’t this wes anderson ‘the life acquatic of steve zissou’ inspired mobile amazing?

i thought so.

but on jobs, kid #1 plans on being a spy. and on making fancy cakes on the weekend for a hobby (he’s a weekday spy apparently). currently he is super secretly immersed in this book

he loves it. i think. because i am not supposed to know when or where he is reading it. also, i bought the book for him.

if anything, the book is teaching kid #1 to be an even bigger geek. he now carries a little notebook with him at the park and sneaks around corners in the most obvious ways. he has also requested a small mirror but i am not to know why.

and so it is.

when you have a kid you get what you get. and i got the geekiest kid on the block.

actually, i got the coolest kid on the block. and i’m pretty happy about it.