badly behaved children

yesterday my husband purchased me an iPhone so that i could join the rest of the free world and i was very very excited about this. mostly because although i’ve been wanting one for awhile i’ve been either too busy or apathetic to actually go and get one. also i do not like the kind of stores you have to go to to purchase phones because you need to talk to sales people about different phones and plans and pricing and such and i am not good at this. it’s boring. it’s confusing. doing this sort of thing leaves me headache-y and choice fatigued. so i was super duper grateful when he went out and got me one. and also brought me back a quad americano. a total two-for morning.

there are other things i don’t like to do besides buying electronics and generally it involves things in which you have to sign your name on a lot of lines. shopping for a new car. applying for a loan. yuck yuck yuck. so i take him with me and occasionally hum to myself as he gets things done on OUR behalf. lucky me. also i don’t like opening the mail or checking our bank accounts so i encourage him to do this as much as possible. 

it’s a really good thing that i don’t live alone. if i did and my fridge stopped working i would probably throw it out and buy a new one. instead i have my husband to deal with this sort of aggravation. and on standby i have my dad to call a professional to deal with this sort of aggravation. my family totally rocks.

but not yesterday. yesterday was a badly behaved children day and it all started with the iPhone which i was actually very psyched to show to kid #1. this is because i was the ONLY person he knew who did not own any sort of ‘i’ device and i knew he’d be excited for me.

wait no. i have an iPod from 2006.

anyway, when he got out of school i was all like “yay! look what i got, kid #1” and he was all like “i need to download shooting games for myself” and i was all like “no” and then he grabbed the phone out of my hand. and accidentally dropped in on the concrete. and it had no case because i had not yet taken the initiative that day to go get one.

i was mad. i was mad mad mad mad mad. harsh consequences were given. he was not even allowed to look at me during the 10 minute walk home.

the phone is not broken or badly scratched but that’s not the point. what’s up with this not listening business? there is nothing that makes me more upset than when my children don’t listen. and who should happen to NOT LISTEN on the walk home but kid #2.

our stroller has a board on the back for little kids to ride on and for some reason kid #2 thought she’d drag her foot behind her as i pushed. this bothered me for two reasons. first off it made the stroller tip backwards which was ridiculously dangerous for kid #3, and less importantly i was concerned that she was going to ruin her new hunter boots by dragging them on the road. i asked her several times. and then the stroller tipped over and i simultaneously had to push her out of the way while struggling to catch the stroller from falling over. as a final “screw you”, kid #1’s backpack, which he was too lazy to carry himself, fell off the stroller and on top of me. damn you bottle of water i packed this morning!

by the time we got home i wanted NOTHING to do with kids #1 and #2. also i shopped for this which i clearly needed

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yep, that’s right. it’s an iPhone case. for MY phone.

kid #1 may have dropped the phone but kid #2 is super bad. 

let’s say for instance that i need to make a phone call that lasts more than 20 seconds. this happens. now let’s say that kid #2 has a thing for her mother’s red lipstick and knows she’s not allowed to play with it. what better way to be bad than to use the ENTIRE tube of mom’s new red lipstick to colour her bedroom walls, beautiful wooden kitchen, specially ordered princess bed, and everything else she can destroy before the tube runs out. this was not a good day and all jelly beans were lost.

huh?

yes jelly beans. just another reason why my kids are idiots. they each start the day with 10 theoretical jelly beans which are lost over acts of bad-ness and earned for displaying acts of kindness, helpfulness, empathy, etc. and it works. and i don’t know why. kid #2 likes to start the day by cashing in the ones she’s earned the day previously. kid #1 hoards them until he’s reached the magical number 60 and then hides out in his room and gorges himself. each to their own.

oh, and i think i will be purchasing this because my makeup and the usage of it and desire for it by kid #2 has become a huge thing.

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it’s totally fake but she’ll love it and hopefully stop badgering me for “dots” of blush or eyeshadow.

i’m going to stop right here and give myself some props for being an awesome mom. everyone just take a moment of silence to acknowledge what a great job i do. 3, 2, 1…

i just want to say that i never envisioned myself as a soccer mom. too pedestrian. but if my kid wants to play then i’m there dragging #2 and #3 with me. and soon vancouver fall weather will begin and it will cease to stop raining until may. but i will be standing out there in the mud and cold cheering that kid on. because as we all know, i am an awesome mom.

now i will take the time to mention that after soccer we race home long enough for me to stuff food into them, clean #3 from head to toe, redress #2 because she’s decided to take all of her clothes off again (nakedness was also a problem on the soccer field today), before we head off to kid #1’s hip-hop class. my husband calls it the glee factor. all the cool boys are doing it.

swimming lessons start this week as do kid #2’s dance class. sigh.

but do you know who i really really like? as in, she’s my current favourite? this little person. kid #3. violet.

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isn’t she lovely?

i spend most of my time writing about kids #1 and #2 because they do a bunch of stuff that i can write about. beautiful #3 just smiles her big smile at me and laughs a cute little laugh and looks at me with her big blue eyes. aw…i love kid #3.

also she looks really stellar in head wear. she will be receiving one or more of these for christmas. if the elves have time after dealing with kid #1’s minecraft craziness.

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i might even get the elves to hook one up for kid #2.

i have now been an awesomely awesome mother for seven and a half years. in that time period we have managed to collect all sorts of boy, girl, and gender-neutral toys, including baby stuff. i have no need to purchase #3 any toys whatsoever but since it’s me i still like buying stuff for her. and i want this rainbow fairy mobile to hang over her crib for all the times when my attention is being eaten up by kid #1’s incessant talking, and kid #2’s constant naughtiness and she’s stuck in the crib entertaining herself. which she always does. and then beams at me when i come get her. aw. and i think she even said ‘mama’ tonight. or maybe she didn’t. whatever. we all win.

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look closer for extra wow-ness

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moving along.

so browsing around for unique kid products tonight while feeling annoyed with kids #1 and #2 and all lovey-dovey about kid #3, i coincidentally stumbled upon studio violet whose book ‘mr.mustache’ WILL be on my shelf.

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the inside pages are INCREDIBLE. have a look.

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studio violet is also previously responsible for creating these spoon people. sadly, they are sold out and no longer in existence. sniff.

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hey! i could totally make this. right? because i’m crafty!

as a side note, i added several handmaid and crafty-like magazines to my ‘newstand’ on my iPhone.

just because i could.

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One thought on “badly behaved children

  1. Kids will be kids. I just love them. Yes it is hard on mom’s and dads.
    Tomorrow will bea better day! it can’t get any worse than today.
    Love … Bubbie
    PS: I had a good laugh which I needed.

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