hospitals, concerts gone wrong, and stockholm

hi. here i am again. caught up on paperwork and reports. surprise file audit? bring it on!

so. let’s talk about the hospital.

it sucks. it smells. the food is something to be desired.

we won’t talk about the specifics but just before christmas kid #1 had to spend a week there being the bravest of brave kid i’ve ever seen. this kid endured 3 spinals, countless needles, iv’s, and peeing in a bottle, or portable urinal. whatever. now this is the kid who was once asked to leave a flu clinic because just the idea of having a shot was enough to propel him into fits of anxiety and there were concerns that he was terrifying the other children. fair enough. similarly we are not allowed to talk about body parts around him, god forbid he might have to envision the sight of blood. but the kid’s obsessed with zombies. go figure.

back to the hospital.

it would be helpful if the dietary staff could please explain to me their reasoning for preparing food in the manner in which it becomes unrecognizable.

also, doctors. what the f***? bedside manners also to be desired. don’t ask my kid which family member he prefers over me (gramma). and i am not an idiot so don’t treat me like one. on the contrary i have several useless degrees and know stuff. and why the comments about how terrible i look? my kid is sick, right? and i have slept here multiple nights without showering in the adjoined bathroom because i am terrified of stepping on germs. also i am plagued with worrying about my kid. so that.

obviously he’s alright now and thankfully was home for christmas. so that was good. but also that meant that he was well enough to show up to his school christmas concert in which i had to endure multiple groups of kids singing holiday songs in french which i failed to understand. and then kid #1’s class came on stage.

let’s back this up.

post that day of school kid #1 began harassing me for a santa hat with bells on it because apparently this had become a thing amongst his classmates. so fine. i piled everyone in the car to go in search of a santa hat with bells on it. because i am the best. also, because i’m the best, i agreed to let him wear a hoodie over his nice shirt so long as he promised to take it off prior to going on stage. what i did not mean was to unzip it and let it hang off his shoulders like a slob on stage. next to all of the other well-dressed children. i glared at him. he glared back at me. my mother tried to remind me that he was alive. as in a ‘pick your battles’ type reminder. i told her that this was not an excuse for looking horrid and disobeying your mother.

and then. oh then.

some horrible nameless child whom i have since come to despise decided to elbow kid #1. which pissed kid #1 the hell off. who then retaliated and elbowed him back. harder. and back and forth and so on. and then the teacher must have gotten wind of this in which case kid #1’s singing came to a halt as he began violently gesturing towards the other kid, clearly attempting to signal that what was going on wasn’t his fault.

i was embarrassed. i was ashamed. i wanted to hang my head and crawl into a hole under my chair. and also the other kid was much better dressed than he was.

the teacher later told me that it looked like i could use a vacation. obviously.

christmas was toy laden but otherwise uneventful.

on new year’s eve we went sledding and i promised the kids they could stay up until midnight.

side note, kid #1 has finally figured out that you do not in fact turn into a pumpkin if you stay awake past midnight. he is mere weeks away from being 8. 

regardless, at 11:40 i gathered everyone into my bed to discuss resolutions for the coming year. which it would appear no one understood.

me: so resolutions are when we make goals, or things we hope to accomplish in the new year.

kid #1: oh. ok. well then i want to have a resolution to get to more levels in minecraft.

me: that’s not really what i was talking about.

kid #2: i want to eat more treats in the new year.

husband: i think your resolution should be to drink less wine.

me: you can’t have a resolution for someone else. that’s not the way it works. and besides, i don’t actually drink that much.

husband: hmmm…

me: well we have 3 kids unless you haven’t noticed. and anyway doesn’t anyone want to know what my resolutions are?

silence.

me: you know what? nevermind. you guys suck.

kid #3: mama! booboo!

right.

and those were basically our holidays.

and now comes the part where i get to share my love of stockholm artist ingela arrhenius with you.

my knowledge of sweden up until reading the girl with the dragon tattoo triology was that it appeared to have a proverbial hot-person factory responsible for pumping out blonde-haired, blue-eyed uber-people. and that it was cold. and that they ate herring and meatballs and lingonberries and designed furniture. and that it’s claim to fame was ikea. and ingela arrhenius as far as i’m concerned because i love art and i love things for children and i love items that combine the two.

and incidentally want to plaster my walls with this parisienne themed poster she’s come up with through omm design.

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and also these similar ones for good measure.

 

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omm products, which can be purchased at stores worldwide, hosts a number of other ingela arrhenius-designed items including adorable melanin plates that my kids won’t manage to be able to break even if they huck them across the room at me.

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and various matryoshka sets. kid #2 is all about these things since she likes arranging EVERYTHING (read: cups, bowls, blueberries, raisins…) into families. and why not a family comprised of randomly chosen animals?

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fern living also carries exclusive ingela arrhenius-designed products out of their european stores, although they ship worldwide. like these pillows.

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and wallpaper (oh how i do love wallpaper…)

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i’ve also discovered la marellea french company who will ship to me, i mean others, and carries ingela arrhenius goodies such as puzzles packed in suitcases

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and notebooks.

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and remember how i went through that whole sewing phase? well if i ever feel inspired to do that again i will head on over to liandlo which carries ingela arrhenius-designed fabric and children’s clothing made from it.

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nice, right?

here she is, hard at work, being much more creative and talented than i will ever be.

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ever. ever. ever. ever.

which is why i just get to write about stuff.

badly behaved children

yesterday my husband purchased me an iPhone so that i could join the rest of the free world and i was very very excited about this. mostly because although i’ve been wanting one for awhile i’ve been either too busy or apathetic to actually go and get one. also i do not like the kind of stores you have to go to to purchase phones because you need to talk to sales people about different phones and plans and pricing and such and i am not good at this. it’s boring. it’s confusing. doing this sort of thing leaves me headache-y and choice fatigued. so i was super duper grateful when he went out and got me one. and also brought me back a quad americano. a total two-for morning.

there are other things i don’t like to do besides buying electronics and generally it involves things in which you have to sign your name on a lot of lines. shopping for a new car. applying for a loan. yuck yuck yuck. so i take him with me and occasionally hum to myself as he gets things done on OUR behalf. lucky me. also i don’t like opening the mail or checking our bank accounts so i encourage him to do this as much as possible. 

it’s a really good thing that i don’t live alone. if i did and my fridge stopped working i would probably throw it out and buy a new one. instead i have my husband to deal with this sort of aggravation. and on standby i have my dad to call a professional to deal with this sort of aggravation. my family totally rocks.

but not yesterday. yesterday was a badly behaved children day and it all started with the iPhone which i was actually very psyched to show to kid #1. this is because i was the ONLY person he knew who did not own any sort of ‘i’ device and i knew he’d be excited for me.

wait no. i have an iPod from 2006.

anyway, when he got out of school i was all like “yay! look what i got, kid #1” and he was all like “i need to download shooting games for myself” and i was all like “no” and then he grabbed the phone out of my hand. and accidentally dropped in on the concrete. and it had no case because i had not yet taken the initiative that day to go get one.

i was mad. i was mad mad mad mad mad. harsh consequences were given. he was not even allowed to look at me during the 10 minute walk home.

the phone is not broken or badly scratched but that’s not the point. what’s up with this not listening business? there is nothing that makes me more upset than when my children don’t listen. and who should happen to NOT LISTEN on the walk home but kid #2.

our stroller has a board on the back for little kids to ride on and for some reason kid #2 thought she’d drag her foot behind her as i pushed. this bothered me for two reasons. first off it made the stroller tip backwards which was ridiculously dangerous for kid #3, and less importantly i was concerned that she was going to ruin her new hunter boots by dragging them on the road. i asked her several times. and then the stroller tipped over and i simultaneously had to push her out of the way while struggling to catch the stroller from falling over. as a final “screw you”, kid #1’s backpack, which he was too lazy to carry himself, fell off the stroller and on top of me. damn you bottle of water i packed this morning!

by the time we got home i wanted NOTHING to do with kids #1 and #2. also i shopped for this which i clearly needed

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yep, that’s right. it’s an iPhone case. for MY phone.

kid #1 may have dropped the phone but kid #2 is super bad. 

let’s say for instance that i need to make a phone call that lasts more than 20 seconds. this happens. now let’s say that kid #2 has a thing for her mother’s red lipstick and knows she’s not allowed to play with it. what better way to be bad than to use the ENTIRE tube of mom’s new red lipstick to colour her bedroom walls, beautiful wooden kitchen, specially ordered princess bed, and everything else she can destroy before the tube runs out. this was not a good day and all jelly beans were lost.

huh?

yes jelly beans. just another reason why my kids are idiots. they each start the day with 10 theoretical jelly beans which are lost over acts of bad-ness and earned for displaying acts of kindness, helpfulness, empathy, etc. and it works. and i don’t know why. kid #2 likes to start the day by cashing in the ones she’s earned the day previously. kid #1 hoards them until he’s reached the magical number 60 and then hides out in his room and gorges himself. each to their own.

oh, and i think i will be purchasing this because my makeup and the usage of it and desire for it by kid #2 has become a huge thing.

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it’s totally fake but she’ll love it and hopefully stop badgering me for “dots” of blush or eyeshadow.

i’m going to stop right here and give myself some props for being an awesome mom. everyone just take a moment of silence to acknowledge what a great job i do. 3, 2, 1…

i just want to say that i never envisioned myself as a soccer mom. too pedestrian. but if my kid wants to play then i’m there dragging #2 and #3 with me. and soon vancouver fall weather will begin and it will cease to stop raining until may. but i will be standing out there in the mud and cold cheering that kid on. because as we all know, i am an awesome mom.

now i will take the time to mention that after soccer we race home long enough for me to stuff food into them, clean #3 from head to toe, redress #2 because she’s decided to take all of her clothes off again (nakedness was also a problem on the soccer field today), before we head off to kid #1’s hip-hop class. my husband calls it the glee factor. all the cool boys are doing it.

swimming lessons start this week as do kid #2’s dance class. sigh.

but do you know who i really really like? as in, she’s my current favourite? this little person. kid #3. violet.

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isn’t she lovely?

i spend most of my time writing about kids #1 and #2 because they do a bunch of stuff that i can write about. beautiful #3 just smiles her big smile at me and laughs a cute little laugh and looks at me with her big blue eyes. aw…i love kid #3.

also she looks really stellar in head wear. she will be receiving one or more of these for christmas. if the elves have time after dealing with kid #1’s minecraft craziness.

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i might even get the elves to hook one up for kid #2.

i have now been an awesomely awesome mother for seven and a half years. in that time period we have managed to collect all sorts of boy, girl, and gender-neutral toys, including baby stuff. i have no need to purchase #3 any toys whatsoever but since it’s me i still like buying stuff for her. and i want this rainbow fairy mobile to hang over her crib for all the times when my attention is being eaten up by kid #1’s incessant talking, and kid #2’s constant naughtiness and she’s stuck in the crib entertaining herself. which she always does. and then beams at me when i come get her. aw. and i think she even said ‘mama’ tonight. or maybe she didn’t. whatever. we all win.

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look closer for extra wow-ness

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moving along.

so browsing around for unique kid products tonight while feeling annoyed with kids #1 and #2 and all lovey-dovey about kid #3, i coincidentally stumbled upon studio violet whose book ‘mr.mustache’ WILL be on my shelf.

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the inside pages are INCREDIBLE. have a look.

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studio violet is also previously responsible for creating these spoon people. sadly, they are sold out and no longer in existence. sniff.

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hey! i could totally make this. right? because i’m crafty!

as a side note, i added several handmaid and crafty-like magazines to my ‘newstand’ on my iPhone.

just because i could.

feature shop: maileg

so i purchased #2 a birthday present. because her birthday is not coming up anytime soon. oh, and also a christmas present. same reason. it’s just that sometimes i stumble upon something like the danish line maileg and accidentally happen to have my credit card with me. it happens. also i was out with my mom at the time so she was able to herd kids #1 through #3 to another location so that the store wasn’t torn to shreds by the time i made my purchase.

this is sofia, aptly known as kid #2. she’s the most excited runner i know and thus splats several times a day. or trips on her own feet because it’s pretty easy to get tangled in your own limbs i guess. also she must believe she can walk on air. it’s the only reason i can think of for the way she jumps off of things she cannot possibly land on her feet from. kid #2 is no cat. but she’s pretty damn cute. which makes up for it. sort of.

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there is a small box wrapped in brown butcher’s paper that currently resides on a shelf above my washing machine where even i cannot reach without climbing. i am limber like a cat! i did not pass on this particular genetic trait. the box contains the cutest baby mouse in a glorified match box. baby-loving kid #2 will adore it. or i will. whatever. this is it.

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a whole family of these guys are available in sizes mini to mega maxi. plus you can purchase clothing and furniture separately for them. oh, and they’re also available in rabbit. check it out.

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i want to play with them all. and name them. and arrange them into families. what? i mean kid #2 wants to do that. i preemptively am aware of this.

so…given that christmas was also coming up not very soon, i took the opportunity to purchase maileg’s princess and the pea toy. who doesn’t love a cute little wooden bed, doll and crocheted pea, and cloth mattresses piled high? no one doesn’t love it. that’s who! also it comes with a sweet little illustrated book.

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coincidentally that night i was like “hey kid #2, want to hear an awesome story about a princess and a pea. i’ve just randomly decided to tell you this story so that you’ll be all like “oh wow! yay! a princess and pea toy” for christmas instead of being all like “why does this princess have a pea? is she hungry? is this all her mommy fed her?” see? i have just done my daughter a great service in the category of fairy tale knowledge.

oh maileg, i want your whole line.

merry christmas in advance everyone.