hospitals, concerts gone wrong, and stockholm

hi. here i am again. caught up on paperwork and reports. surprise file audit? bring it on!

so. let’s talk about the hospital.

it sucks. it smells. the food is something to be desired.

we won’t talk about the specifics but just before christmas kid #1 had to spend a week there being the bravest of brave kid i’ve ever seen. this kid endured 3 spinals, countless needles, iv’s, and peeing in a bottle, or portable urinal. whatever. now this is the kid who was once asked to leave a flu clinic because just the idea of having a shot was enough to propel him into fits of anxiety and there were concerns that he was terrifying the other children. fair enough. similarly we are not allowed to talk about body parts around him, god forbid he might have to envision the sight of blood. but the kid’s obsessed with zombies. go figure.

back to the hospital.

it would be helpful if the dietary staff could please explain to me their reasoning for preparing food in the manner in which it becomes unrecognizable.

also, doctors. what the f***? bedside manners also to be desired. don’t ask my kid which family member he prefers over me (gramma). and i am not an idiot so don’t treat me like one. on the contrary i have several useless degrees and know stuff. and why the comments about how terrible i look? my kid is sick, right? and i have slept here multiple nights without showering in the adjoined bathroom because i am terrified of stepping on germs. also i am plagued with worrying about my kid. so that.

obviously he’s alright now and thankfully was home for christmas. so that was good. but also that meant that he was well enough to show up to his school christmas concert in which i had to endure multiple groups of kids singing holiday songs in french which i failed to understand. and then kid #1’s class came on stage.

let’s back this up.

post that day of school kid #1 began harassing me for a santa hat with bells on it because apparently this had become a thing amongst his classmates. so fine. i piled everyone in the car to go in search of a santa hat with bells on it. because i am the best. also, because i’m the best, i agreed to let him wear a hoodie over his nice shirt so long as he promised to take it off prior to going on stage. what i did not mean was to unzip it and let it hang off his shoulders like a slob on stage. next to all of the other well-dressed children. i glared at him. he glared back at me. my mother tried to remind me that he was alive. as in a ‘pick your battles’ type reminder. i told her that this was not an excuse for looking horrid and disobeying your mother.

and then. oh then.

some horrible nameless child whom i have since come to despise decided to elbow kid #1. which pissed kid #1 the hell off. who then retaliated and elbowed him back. harder. and back and forth and so on. and then the teacher must have gotten wind of this in which case kid #1’s singing came to a halt as he began violently gesturing towards the other kid, clearly attempting to signal that what was going on wasn’t his fault.

i was embarrassed. i was ashamed. i wanted to hang my head and crawl into a hole under my chair. and also the other kid was much better dressed than he was.

the teacher later told me that it looked like i could use a vacation. obviously.

christmas was toy laden but otherwise uneventful.

on new year’s eve we went sledding and i promised the kids they could stay up until midnight.

side note, kid #1 has finally figured out that you do not in fact turn into a pumpkin if you stay awake past midnight. he is mere weeks away from being 8. 

regardless, at 11:40 i gathered everyone into my bed to discuss resolutions for the coming year. which it would appear no one understood.

me: so resolutions are when we make goals, or things we hope to accomplish in the new year.

kid #1: oh. ok. well then i want to have a resolution to get to more levels in minecraft.

me: that’s not really what i was talking about.

kid #2: i want to eat more treats in the new year.

husband: i think your resolution should be to drink less wine.

me: you can’t have a resolution for someone else. that’s not the way it works. and besides, i don’t actually drink that much.

husband: hmmm…

me: well we have 3 kids unless you haven’t noticed. and anyway doesn’t anyone want to know what my resolutions are?

silence.

me: you know what? nevermind. you guys suck.

kid #3: mama! booboo!

right.

and those were basically our holidays.

and now comes the part where i get to share my love of stockholm artist ingela arrhenius with you.

my knowledge of sweden up until reading the girl with the dragon tattoo triology was that it appeared to have a proverbial hot-person factory responsible for pumping out blonde-haired, blue-eyed uber-people. and that it was cold. and that they ate herring and meatballs and lingonberries and designed furniture. and that it’s claim to fame was ikea. and ingela arrhenius as far as i’m concerned because i love art and i love things for children and i love items that combine the two.

and incidentally want to plaster my walls with this parisienne themed poster she’s come up with through omm design.

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and also these similar ones for good measure.

 

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omm products, which can be purchased at stores worldwide, hosts a number of other ingela arrhenius-designed items including adorable melanin plates that my kids won’t manage to be able to break even if they huck them across the room at me.

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and various matryoshka sets. kid #2 is all about these things since she likes arranging EVERYTHING (read: cups, bowls, blueberries, raisins…) into families. and why not a family comprised of randomly chosen animals?

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fern living also carries exclusive ingela arrhenius-designed products out of their european stores, although they ship worldwide. like these pillows.

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and wallpaper (oh how i do love wallpaper…)

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i’ve also discovered la marellea french company who will ship to me, i mean others, and carries ingela arrhenius goodies such as puzzles packed in suitcases

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and notebooks.

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and remember how i went through that whole sewing phase? well if i ever feel inspired to do that again i will head on over to liandlo which carries ingela arrhenius-designed fabric and children’s clothing made from it.

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nice, right?

here she is, hard at work, being much more creative and talented than i will ever be.

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ever. ever. ever. ever.

which is why i just get to write about stuff.

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on winning back the affection of kid #1

happy belated halloween.

i haven’t posted for awhile mainly because my insomnia issues seem to have disappeared for the most part, replaced by snapping at kid #2 the other night for singing a song about cheese post 10pm.

last night i hit an all time sleeping low when i fell asleep during an episode of The Walking Dead. nowhere in my tv watching universe did i ever think that sleep would be induced by the sounds of apocalyptic zombie mayhem, painful screams, and gun shots, but there it was.

or maybe i just have 3 children. 3 demanding wonderful small human beings who suck the life out of me. or the fact that i’ve been trying to win back kid #1’s affection.

kid #1 and i used to be best buds. inseparable. we did all kinds of everything together.

and now he is 7 and in grade 2 and has taken a break from participating in family activities in favour of other things. part of it seems to be that he has become perpetually annoyed at me for having 2 other time-consuming children, one of which has to be hand-fed and diaper-changed. this is not to say that he doesn’t want to hang out with me. it’s actually the opposite, but the problem being that he wants to ramble on endlessly to me about his video-game playing, lego creations, and extremely detailed drawings. all the time. uninterrupted. all of which i want to hear about. but other people live here and have needs and want to talk to me. and this is fair because we are a family of 5 and no one of us is more important than the other.

except that kid #1 disagrees and this has become a problem.

consequently i’ve spent some time perusing handmade charlotte and spoonful to come up with some DIY activities to hold kid #1’s attention while i’m doing all the things he finds unnecessary such as cooking (usually in the company of kid #2 which is fun but means it takes a hellishly long time to get dinner on the table) or cleaning. because really, why not just order a pizza and let the dirt collect? 

i just want him to want to be in the same space as me despite the fact that other family members might be residing there as well.

i desperately want this to work because i desperately want him to be happy and not resentful that he has younger siblings. in retrospect a closer age gap between kids #1 and 2 might have made things easier but that’s a different topic for a different day.

this aside, poor kid #1 is the son of a serious craft-fail extraordinaire. but we’re trying.

may i present the spoonful version of the ‘hot-dog mummy’

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kid #1’s melon brain

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clearly this is the child of a craft-failure. doesn’t fall far from the tree.

nice professional pictures too i might add.

moving along.

so this week kid #1 and i have big plans to make, er, attempt to make, a mutant bunny cake care of coco cake land for handmade charlotte

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recently i purchased a piping bag and various tips. also i’ve watched a lot of cake shows so this should be do-able. maybe.

now let’s talk about coco cake land.

lyndsay sung is another super cool vancouverite who also contributes to poppytalk and craftsy – otherwise known as really awesome DIY blogs for pro-crafters like myself. and basically she makes brilliant cakes and cupcakes and offers step-by-step tutorials for idiots like me.

maybe one day i’ll make this

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or this

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or any of the other amazing things lyndsay sung seems to have whipped up. basically i’m totally on top of it.

just like everything else.

as always.

 

 

a happy accident/my kid thinks i’m an idiot

so. the soccer thing again. and the fact that this week i almost had it together. i was so close.

and then kid #2 peed her pants. on the way out the door.

so things were not exactly ‘together’ anymore. but together enough that we still managed to get to the field exactly 5 minutes before the start of kid #1’s game.

so there i am tying cleats as fast as is humanly possible. and side note, why does my kid not UNTIE his laces when he takes his tripple-knotted cleats off?

anyhow, remember ‘super-mom’? well super-mom has a husband who i’ve always given credit to for being a nice, fairly normal individual. no more! this day’s reality showed me that he is actually a passive-aggressive super-dad who happened to be standing within the vicinity of my frantic cleat tying.

“i can’t believe these parents who show up with their kid 5 minutes before the game starts”, he proclaimed to another parent.

and i can’t believe my 2 year-old peed her pants 1 minute before we left the house. because life is like that.

and so are happy accidents.

so this particular game day in which we were not late for, kid #1’s team was playing against super-kid’s team.

now for the record i have nothing against super-kid except for the fact that his super-parents think he should have his own super-team to play on. and granted, super-kid’s an awesome player, while kid #1 occasionally looks like he’s forgotten he’s actually playing soccer and instead looks suspiciously as though he might be designing video games in his head. or planning some sort of sniper attack. whatever.

but then kid #1 is put in goal. and as he’s staring up at the sky a small miracle happens. kid #1 looks down just as super-kid attempts to score and blocks the goal!

it was literally one of the proudest moments of my life. and (most of) the parents of kids on both teams were cheering because everyone loves an underdog.

and in that moment kid #1 could not have been awesomer!

and then this.

kid #1 thinks i am an idiot.

one day a week kid #1 walks with some friends and an older responsible sibling to an after school drop-in program.

except on this particular day i received a phone call from the mother of kid #1’s best friend, informing me that kid #1 had just shown up at her house proclaiming that the other kids had left him behind.

this seemed fishy.

me: “why did they leave you behind?”

kid #1: “the sibling had a scooter and we can both agree that scooters are faster than feet so you can’t blame me for not being able to keep up. and also you should actually be proud of me because when they were gone and i was all alone i knew i had 2 choices. i could have walked by myself down a busy dangerous street, or i could have gone a shorter distance to my friend’s house, which you know is safe. so i did the right thing. and you should be mad at them. not me.”

me: “then how did the other, non-scootering kids manage to get there?”

kid #1: “they have faster feet.”

me: “unlike you?”

silence.

on speaking to the mom of the sibling: “she doesn’t even own a scooter”.

kid #1 thought he could get away with this lying business because apparently i am an idiot of a mother.

no deal.

i gave birth to you. i know what you’re up to. i have eyes in the back of my head. and i am smarter than i look even though i am smeared with banana and currently wearing mismatched socks.

i may be messy but i’m a pretty kick-ass mom. and despite your ridiculous antics, you’re still a pretty kick-ass kid.

but it’s soooo good to know i’m still smarter than you.

and next time, try to be a bit more creative when you’re attempting to get away with things. it makes it more fun for me.

moving along.

4 things i love today.

1. loulou & oscar cat dolls, made by scottish librarian and self-taught designer lisa aaron

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2. minini brooches and spoons, made by south korean porcelain artist min lee

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3. British kids line tootsa macginty

ImageImageImage4. mijke hoogervorst’s little rose kids line from the netherlands (she had me at her little red riding hood and deer prints)

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this mother needs a shower. and a nap.

out.